My First Love(Cyber Love)

Here goes. To the most shameful confession I ever done.


My 1st love was rather weird. Honestly.
I guess this is the stupidest thing I am going to admit here. I mean to the world.
My goal? Just wanna warn young girls, whom I used to be.
Those girls with no self esteem at all!
So what happened to me is really unrealistic but it happened. =)

I was only 13 going on 14 when I met him online through ICQ.
He was the one who approaches me 1st. After months of exchanging messages and sms-es, we became an "item".
I practically talked to him everyday right after school without fail. It's almost like I am so obsessed with him.
On my 14th birthday, he told me he gave his first time to his then girlfriend there at his town.
Obviously I was so heartbroken, after all I was still so young and naive.
On the day I take my PMR 1st paper, he actually spilled every secrets out to me. He told me he was 15 when I met him, it turned out that he was then 22, 8 year older than me. He even lied about his own name. Until today, I don't think I know his real name. Hmmm....
And of course, after that I shut myself and studied my ass off for my form 4. That's why I did very well during my form 4. Zaman Renaissances wtf.


So, Since that, we have this weirdest relationship ever. On and off.
He never without fail, sms me everyday. Just to ask me how was my day. When honestly, if a guy keep on like that for 2 years, wouldn't you fall for him?
It just feels like he's almost real, although I never met him till this very day. I never seen his picture. I don't even know how he looks like!
He came my house before, dropped something for me. It was just so real. Everything. Except I never really seen him.
I was the one who don't want to meet him. I mean like, for a guy like him, I don't even dare to show myself to him. I am fat, overweight and ugly. I am not like the bitches out there who weigh 45 kg and still say "I am fat, I am so not eating."
I really mean it that I am overweight, chubby. I might look cute in pictures, but not in real life.
So, this guy eh, he saw my pictures before, he said he wouldn't mind. But in fact, deep down inside, if I were to meet him, this whole "romance" will be over. I am just 16 at that time.

Finally I had the chance to meet him at a concert after my SPM. Too bad, I didn't meet him.
I guess that was the last straw on his back and he started to avoid me.
Until today he don't reply my sms-es anymore, but only e-mails.
When first he started to avoid me, hell yea it was painful. He was my best friend and I had feelings for him. And it is still the same how I feel about him because he cared for me. Maybe not anymore for now. Our e-mails nowadays are just hurtful words.
Like, "I have my baby already."
Funny, I'll tear. A lot. It is still going on. And I don't know when I can stop talking to him, or maybe erase him off my life.


Now I am going to be 18, and I still cannot get over this guy. Okay maybe a lil. Not like last time. I was so crazy for him!
Cyberspace relationship is dangerous. Maybe this guy, my 1st love is just someone around me, maybe girls who don't like me set me up. Who knows right?
So girls, and guys, don't be a desperado like I used to.
Never resort to online dating because you don't even know what's real and what's not.